Hindsight is 20/20

I had an intense debate with one guy I went on a couple dates with about how the title of this post is actually redundant if you assume that hindsight means, by definition, that you see things more clearly.

Anyway, here's a thought: If Sleepy broke up with me because he wasn't feeling it, and his heart wasn't in it, then it's probably better that he did it so quickly instead of dragging it out (which is exactly what happened with Mr. Efficient). I would like to think that Sleepy consciously chose the lesser of two evils, the option that would hurt me the least. 

I would like to think that he knew I would have tried so hard to make things work with him. I probably would have sacrificed too much from other areas of my life, like school, work, time with my friends, in order to try and make things work with him because I was crazy about him. I would like to think that he didn't want me to do that for him. I would like to think that he broke up with me for both of us. I would have tried, exhausted myself emotionally, put so much into our relationship, and I would have nothing to show for in the end. I would feel horrible. I wouldn't be happy in the long run like I am now. I would be depressed, and I wouldn't be confident or feel strong like I do now. I would feel hopeless. 

I don't feel hopeless now. Yes, I'm bitter and have a chip on my shoulder, but that's nothing compared to what I could have felt if he wouldn't have ended things right away. I hope that is why he broke up with me because that would mean I was right when I told him he was a great, kind, and loving person, and it would mean that he wasn't lying to me when he said he loved me and cared about me.

I've been in both situations now - one where I felt like I was the only one working endlessly to try and make a failing relationship work, and one where it ended at the first signs of doubt. I have to say, the latter might be the least painful. 

Even though I was ready for my first relationship to end, I suffered so much. We both did. We made each other incredibly unhappy. I don't think I went a day without crying when we were going through our incredibly rough patch. 

I have good memories from both relationships, but most of the memories I have with Sleepy are good. I don't have any memories of a prolonged break up. Our relationship never weighed me down. It only built me up, and I didn't crumble, surprisingly. It was good until it just didn't exist. It never went sour; it just disappeared. Not to say that I don't look back at my relationship with Mr. Efficient fondly. I'm at peace with how things ended. About a month or two after we broke up, he finally quit his not-so-great job and got a job doing what he actually likes. I'm realizing that breaking up was probably the best thing I did for him in our relationship.