Yes, I puked each time I tried to brush my teeth for about 2 or 3 days after the break up. But, don't panic because I'm going to help you get through this. You got this! (There are obviously many other ways to move on from a break up. Mine worked for me, but it doesn't necessarily mean it'll work for you. That's totally cool. You do you, boo! Just work it, and stay fabulous!)
Step 1: Mobilize Your Support System (Friends, Family, Co-Workers, Ben & Jerry, etc.)
Do not retreat into a dark hole in your room. Let the people who love and support you know what happened and what you're going through. If you don't have anyone, e-mail me. Seriously. My e-mail: lindsays1992@hotmail.com. You need them right now because you're raw and vulnerable. Even if you're not raw, vulnerable, and snotty-crying, you should spend time with people who make you happy.
Step 1: Mobilize Your Support System (Friends, Family, Co-Workers, Ben & Jerry, etc.)
Do not retreat into a dark hole in your room. Let the people who love and support you know what happened and what you're going through. If you don't have anyone, e-mail me. Seriously. My e-mail: lindsays1992@hotmail.com. You need them right now because you're raw and vulnerable. Even if you're not raw, vulnerable, and snotty-crying, you should spend time with people who make you happy.
The first thing I did when Sleepy broke up with me is text my friends and tell them what happened. One of my friends called me right away, just as baffled as I was. I told my parents too. The next day, my parents and grandma basically dragged me out of the house to go to dinner with them. Let the people who love you drag you out. Let them take care of you. Let them see you cry. Don't hide your emotions. Mobilize your backup. They'll catch you when you fall and bring you ginger ale to settle your stomach.
Step 2: Just Let Your Heart Feel What It Feels
Don't try to rationalize your ugly crying. Don't try to rationalize your anger. Don't try to make yourself be happy. Don't force any feelings. Just let your heart purge itself of feelings because, good grief, all the feels.
Step 2: Just Let Your Heart Feel What It Feels
Don't try to rationalize your ugly crying. Don't try to rationalize your anger. Don't try to make yourself be happy. Don't force any feelings. Just let your heart purge itself of feelings because, good grief, all the feels.
One of my friends (see step 1) told me to just accept my feelings for what they are. Let them come and go. You have to do that. You just have to feel. It hurts. It hurts so bad, but you have to let it happen. If you numb yourself or pretend you don't feel like Regina from Once Upon a Time (see step about Netflix) ripped your heart out of your chest, you're lying to yourself.
Be supportive for yourself just like your friends are supportive. You wouldn't say to your best friend "you need to stop crying because you look ridiculous" or "you're pathetic for being so sad about losing him/her/them*," so don't say it to yourself! Just feel, and be patient with your feelings.
Step 3: Get Rid of Something(s)
If you're like me, you keep little things from your relationship for sentimental reasons. I kept things like movie ticket stubs and concert ticket stubs. When Mr. Efficient and I broke up, I deep cleaned my room. My room desperately needed it, but it felt like such a relief just to get rid of so much stuff that was a part of my past. I think I sent like 6 bags of stuff to Goodwill. I also took down pictures and other things he gave me and put them in a box in my closet.
Step 3: Get Rid of Something(s)
If you're like me, you keep little things from your relationship for sentimental reasons. I kept things like movie ticket stubs and concert ticket stubs. When Mr. Efficient and I broke up, I deep cleaned my room. My room desperately needed it, but it felt like such a relief just to get rid of so much stuff that was a part of my past. I think I sent like 6 bags of stuff to Goodwill. I also took down pictures and other things he gave me and put them in a box in my closet.
When Sleepy and I broke up, I may have smashed a mug he gave me...and I threw it away. I also threw the Valentine's Day present he gave me full of small mementos in a closet not in my room. I got it out of my space. Get rid of things that are no longer applicable to your life. Leave them in the past...or in the closet, anyway (the trash is also a perfectly acceptable place for some things).
Step 4: Find Small Things Just for You
Do things that make you happy. For me, I've been binge watching awesome dramas on Netflix, like Once Upon a Time and The Vampire Diaries. Netflix is a great way to get through a break up. So is music. I think throwback hip-hop is helping me through my break up. Don't believe me? Try listening to the song "Jump Around" by House of Pain. I doubt you'll make it through the song without at least thinking about bobbing your head. Dance parties by myself are the best. I also picked up knitting again. I knit a scarf for myself and my grandma. Now is a great time to do things you wanted to do but maybe didn't have time to because your relationship took up time. Re-connect with your hobbies or go find a new hobby!
Step 5: Reclaim Your Life
This sounds like a big step, but it's more like a bunch of small steps. For me, certain songs have a lot of emotional, relationship baggage to them, so listening to them maybe a week after my break up was out of the question. Now, though, I'm reclaiming them, meaning, I'm not skipping them when they come on Pandora and yelling at the top of my lungs to my dashboard Jesus "I LIKED THIS SONG FIRST! I LIKED THIS SONG BEFORE I MET SLEEPY! THIS IS MY SONG, BITCHES!" It also means finishing the rest of American Horror Story and allowing my English cohort to drag me to the bar Sleepy and I went to on our first date.
Step 4: Find Small Things Just for You
Do things that make you happy. For me, I've been binge watching awesome dramas on Netflix, like Once Upon a Time and The Vampire Diaries. Netflix is a great way to get through a break up. So is music. I think throwback hip-hop is helping me through my break up. Don't believe me? Try listening to the song "Jump Around" by House of Pain. I doubt you'll make it through the song without at least thinking about bobbing your head. Dance parties by myself are the best. I also picked up knitting again. I knit a scarf for myself and my grandma. Now is a great time to do things you wanted to do but maybe didn't have time to because your relationship took up time. Re-connect with your hobbies or go find a new hobby!
Step 5: Reclaim Your Life
This sounds like a big step, but it's more like a bunch of small steps. For me, certain songs have a lot of emotional, relationship baggage to them, so listening to them maybe a week after my break up was out of the question. Now, though, I'm reclaiming them, meaning, I'm not skipping them when they come on Pandora and yelling at the top of my lungs to my dashboard Jesus "I LIKED THIS SONG FIRST! I LIKED THIS SONG BEFORE I MET SLEEPY! THIS IS MY SONG, BITCHES!" It also means finishing the rest of American Horror Story and allowing my English cohort to drag me to the bar Sleepy and I went to on our first date.
Make new memories with things and places from your previous relationship. Make them yours again. Start small with things that are manageable and not too painful. I started with one song that I actually did like before I met Sleepy. He discovered it while we were dating. I think it was back in October maybe when the weather was still warm. I was driving down the highway, and it came on the radio. Instead of freaking out and changing the station, I turned it up, opened my sunroof and yelled that this was my song at the top of my lungs. Everyone probably thought I was crazy, but oh well. That's what moving on looks like sometimes.
*Note: I'm trying to stray away from assuming heteronormative language, and I'm trying to be more inclusive with my language. If I ever unintentionally say something that is heteronormative, please correct me, and I will change it ASAP! Gender is more than a black and white binary!
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